I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
