You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
