You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
