youre lurking in front of me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I want to fling myself into the sun
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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