Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
