Why are handjobs necessary in class?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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