My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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