You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
