Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if only i could text you this smell
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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