i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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