he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
