hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
