made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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