i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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