when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
