She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
