so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
