We're like a lot better than the average bears
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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