His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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