It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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