i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
