Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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