So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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