She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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