ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
