why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
