I'm going to jail i love you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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