why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
