I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she peed on how many people?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
