yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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