I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
