after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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