i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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