i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
