Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
