you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
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