All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
