I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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