I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
