I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
