is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
