quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
