apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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