TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
