planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
