you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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