I want to stick my p in your. b.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
