the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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