every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So much Jack, so little girl.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
