dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
